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Directed By: Paul Weitz
Starring:
John C. Reilly as Crepsley
Chris Massoglia as Darren
Josh Hutcherson as Steve
Official Rating: 3/10
I wanted so much to enjoy Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant, if only because it seemed like the type of movie I would have enjoyed when I was ten or so. Packed with horror elements but lacking any of the gore or nudity that make parents cringe, it could have been a really solid introduction to the horror genre for those people just shy of the Twilight generation. Unfortunately, it is instead a rather wierd, cluttered movie that becomes increasingly bogged down in its all-too-heavy plot. When it should be energetic and spirited, it is stiff and monotonous. When it should be serious and mature, it is childish and silly. It's primary problem, the one from which all of its other flaws begin, is that its plot is simply too overstuffed for one movie. There are so many characters...so many themes...so many things that happened before this movie even began. Rarely are any of these things developed appropriately and, thus, The Vampire's Assistant feels like a mish-mash of ideas that never fully meld together for a cohesive movie-watching experience. When the end credits rolled, I stopped to reflect on what I had seen. I felt one thing: disappointment.
I think you'll see what I mean by "overstuffed" when I describe the plot. So, here goes nothing: Darren and Steve (Chris Massoglia and Josh Hutcherson, respectively) are best friends. Sick of their dull lives, they sneak out to see the Cirque du Freak, which showcases a wolf man, a bearded lady, and a vampire, amongst others. That vampire is Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) whose act with his poisonous spider is one of Cirque's most popular. Darren loves spiders and, therefore, he decides to steal Crepsley's beloved arachnid. Steve loves vampires and, therefore, he begs Crepsley to turn him into one. When Crepsley refuses, Steve swears vengeance...only to be later bitten by the spider and nearly killed. To save Steve's life, Darren makes a deal with Crepsley: in exchange for the antidote, Darren will become half-vampire and serve as Crepsley's assistant. Upon realizing that his best friend has become a vampire, Steve is enraged with jealousy and joins forces with a group of evil vampires who have been feuding with Crepsley's type for centuries due to their refusal to kill the humans from which they feed. At the center of this feud is Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris), a strange man who just wants to see the two opposing sides erupt into a full-fledged war. He hopes to use the two best friends as a catalyst for his evil doings, as they become enemies.
Whew, that made my fingers tired and wasted a great portion of my review...but I think you get the point. Certainly, this is a whole lot of plot for one movie, but it could have been manageable had Paul Weitz and Brian Helgeland's screenplay handled it with more focus and finesse. This is really unfortunate because there is so much potential here. In fact, I believe that a sequel would be far more effective, since all of the legwork has already been done and the overarching plot has been explained (however clumsily). Unfortunately, since The Vampire's Assistant flopped at the box-office, the likelihood of such a sequel has been greatly diminished. It's too bad since the casting is spot-on and the movie's visual style is uniquely intriguing. Chris Massoglia is a refreshing young lead actor who brings a certain edginess to his character that is not typically present in family movie heroes. Josh Hutcherson, who has quickly become one of Hollywood's most prevalent young actors, is just as good in his complex role as a troubled teen turned villainous vampire. John C. Reilly has fun as a flamboyant vampire who doesn't kill people. Though the screenplay was strangely not consistent in how it developed his character, it is his enthusiasm for the part that makes Crepsley so interesting.
I really do wish that Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant had lived up to its full potential. I was happy to see a movie that was simultaneously aimed at younger audiences and unwilling to treat them like immature morons. Though some might wince at the bad language (even I found it to seem a little out of place) and some of the more obvious violence (a broken neck gave me the willies), it is still distinctly family friendly, as long as the family's children are of the tween classification and older. Its unapologetically dark tone, complete with swirling mists and an ominous hearse, gives it a more traditional horror appearance and benefits its weak screenplay enormously. However, no movie can get by simply by looking really scary; it must achieve something on a deeper level. Unfortunately, The Vampire's Assistant is not very compelling due to its excessive plot and that, sadly, makes it a rather dull movie. That's especially surprising since it features everything from a bearded Salma Hayek (who might need to recruit a new agent) to Jane Krakowski as a woman who can chop off her own limbs and then grow them back. The sad truth is that there isn't anything wrong with the titular freaks or the people who play them; it's the movie they populate that's the problem.
I think you'll see what I mean by "overstuffed" when I describe the plot. So, here goes nothing: Darren and Steve (Chris Massoglia and Josh Hutcherson, respectively) are best friends. Sick of their dull lives, they sneak out to see the Cirque du Freak, which showcases a wolf man, a bearded lady, and a vampire, amongst others. That vampire is Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) whose act with his poisonous spider is one of Cirque's most popular. Darren loves spiders and, therefore, he decides to steal Crepsley's beloved arachnid. Steve loves vampires and, therefore, he begs Crepsley to turn him into one. When Crepsley refuses, Steve swears vengeance...only to be later bitten by the spider and nearly killed. To save Steve's life, Darren makes a deal with Crepsley: in exchange for the antidote, Darren will become half-vampire and serve as Crepsley's assistant. Upon realizing that his best friend has become a vampire, Steve is enraged with jealousy and joins forces with a group of evil vampires who have been feuding with Crepsley's type for centuries due to their refusal to kill the humans from which they feed. At the center of this feud is Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris), a strange man who just wants to see the two opposing sides erupt into a full-fledged war. He hopes to use the two best friends as a catalyst for his evil doings, as they become enemies.
Whew, that made my fingers tired and wasted a great portion of my review...but I think you get the point. Certainly, this is a whole lot of plot for one movie, but it could have been manageable had Paul Weitz and Brian Helgeland's screenplay handled it with more focus and finesse. This is really unfortunate because there is so much potential here. In fact, I believe that a sequel would be far more effective, since all of the legwork has already been done and the overarching plot has been explained (however clumsily). Unfortunately, since The Vampire's Assistant flopped at the box-office, the likelihood of such a sequel has been greatly diminished. It's too bad since the casting is spot-on and the movie's visual style is uniquely intriguing. Chris Massoglia is a refreshing young lead actor who brings a certain edginess to his character that is not typically present in family movie heroes. Josh Hutcherson, who has quickly become one of Hollywood's most prevalent young actors, is just as good in his complex role as a troubled teen turned villainous vampire. John C. Reilly has fun as a flamboyant vampire who doesn't kill people. Though the screenplay was strangely not consistent in how it developed his character, it is his enthusiasm for the part that makes Crepsley so interesting.
I really do wish that Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant had lived up to its full potential. I was happy to see a movie that was simultaneously aimed at younger audiences and unwilling to treat them like immature morons. Though some might wince at the bad language (even I found it to seem a little out of place) and some of the more obvious violence (a broken neck gave me the willies), it is still distinctly family friendly, as long as the family's children are of the tween classification and older. Its unapologetically dark tone, complete with swirling mists and an ominous hearse, gives it a more traditional horror appearance and benefits its weak screenplay enormously. However, no movie can get by simply by looking really scary; it must achieve something on a deeper level. Unfortunately, The Vampire's Assistant is not very compelling due to its excessive plot and that, sadly, makes it a rather dull movie. That's especially surprising since it features everything from a bearded Salma Hayek (who might need to recruit a new agent) to Jane Krakowski as a woman who can chop off her own limbs and then grow them back. The sad truth is that there isn't anything wrong with the titular freaks or the people who play them; it's the movie they populate that's the problem.
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